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Movies I Would Make

There are some stories that would simply make awesome movies, yet no one in Hollywood has made them.  With these movies, I would want the full Hollywood multi-million dollar treatment.  And I would want to direct them, of course, to make sure they were made right.

Here are the movies that Fiona Studios would make:

The Force Unleashed – Yes, based on the video game.  Synopsis: Darth Vader has a secret apprentice, codenamed Starkiller, who hunts down the last Jedi following the Clone Wars and Order 66.  This is the only life Starkiller has ever known.  He is aided by a pilot, Juno Eclipse, and a droid, PROXY.  After a few successful missions, Starkiller’s existence is discovered by Palpatine, who orders Vader to kill him.  And he does.  Starkiller miraculously survives, but remembers the dying words of a a Jedi master he killed: “The sith always betray one another…but you’ll find that out soon enough.”  Shaken, Starkiller finds an unexpected ally, and a new path.

Why: Because there is nothing more epic in the Star Wars universe than Force Unleashed.  There is no force user more epic than Starkiller.  Let’s face it: what everyone really wants to see is a Jedi pull a starship out of the sky and crush it with the force.

The Thrawn Trilogy – Written by Timothy Zahn.  Synopsis: Lord Palpatine and Darth Vader are dead.  The Second Death Star is destroyed.  The Empire is overthrown.  But our heroes are not done.  Grand Admiral Thrawn rallies the remains of the Empire’s fleets, defeating every enemy they face.  No one can beat Thrawn, the only alien to achieve the rank of Grand Admiral, a rank that put him higher even than the Grand Moffs.

Why: This is why I am so sad that Disney threw out the Expanded Universe.  Because that means Thrawn never happened.  Thrawn is the greatest fictional villain.  Ever.  He knows exactly what his enemies will do, leaving them constantly second guessing themselves.  Ever heard of Tony Stark?  Ender Wiggin?  Hari Seldon?  Morons.

Captain Mad Jack Churchill – Synopsis: A true WWII story.  Jack Churchill was a Brit born in Hong Kong, who graduated from the Royal Military Academy in Sandhurst, played the bagpipes, was proficient in archery, and reportedly said “…any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed.”  True to his words, Churchill went into battle with a Scottish broadsword.  He seriously took on the Nazis with a broadsword and bow and arrow.  In one engagement, with only the help of one compatriot, he took 42 prisoners.  With a sword.  During WWII.

Why: Because “Mad” Jack Churchill is seriously one of the most epic modern-day warriors to have actually existed.  Remember the part about capturing Nazis with a broadsword?

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare – Synopsis: Before Christopher Lee was a famous actor, playing everything from Dracula to Saruman, (including a role opposite Errol Flynn) he was a legendary war hero of WWII.  The kind that inspired Ian Fleming’s James Bond.  (To whom Christopher Lee was related to, by the way.  Ian Fleming; not James Bond.)  Lee wanted to be a pilot, but instead served in intelligences as part of the SOE, (nicknamed “The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare”) fighting the Nazis Africa and later Italy, performing missions like sabotaging supply lines.  (While there, he climbed Mt. Vesuvius three days before it erupted.)  He also hunted down Nazi war criminals.  Lee’s service records are still classified.

Why: Because Christopher Lee.  No one will ever be as awesome as Christopher Lee.  (By the way, he was also knew 6 languages and was both an opera singer and a heavy metal artist.)

Guards! Guards! – This is the first novel about the copper Sam Vimes, of Ankh-Morpork, in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series. There are several Vimes novels, but you really need to start with the first one to establish the characters.  Synopsis: Discworld is a flat land on the back of four elephants on the back of a turtle.  Ankh-Morpork is a city state run by the benevolent tyrant Lord Vetinari, who also happens to be basically all-knowing.  Vimes is the captain of the city watch, which, sadly, is mostly incompetent.  Vimes must make them less incompetent, train their newest recruit, Carrot Ironfoundersson, and save the city from a dragon.  Oh, and get the girl.

Why: I dearly love the Discworld series, the Vimes stories in particular.  They are fantasy, but don’t read like high fantasy.  These books feel very grounded in the real world.  Ankh-Morpork feels like a real place, and the characters are delightfully complex.  Pratchett is also the master of satire and humor.  Discworld is an amazing blend of silly and serious, and the books are surprisingly thought-provoking, usually right after you can’t breathe because you’re laughing so hard.  My favorite Vimes books, (besides the first one), which would be amazing as movies, are Men at Arms, The Fifth Elephant, Night Watch (my most favoritest of them all), and Thud.  Other Discworld books that seriously need to be movies: Monstrous Regiment, and Mort.  I pretty much love the entire series, but these are my favorites.  I could actually list several more as my “favorites,” but I’ll stop now.

Since this post is quite long enough, I guess there will have to be a part two!

What stories do you think should be made into movies?  Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

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